Last weekend, I preached a message on overcoming shame. I mentioned an article that landed on my phone which is very helpful in terms of processing negative feelings of any kind. Below is that article in its entirety.

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By Stephanie Harrison

As a researcher on the psychology of happiness, I’ve seen how this can create problems for our well-being. Without knowing how to feel our feelings, it’s difficult to treat ourselves with compassion, make wise decisions, and grow as individuals.

Here’s a simple process I use:

Step 1: Notice the feeling.

Take a deep breath in and out to center yourself. Then, turn inward and ask, “What feelings am I experiencing right now?”

Pay attention to any physical sensations that you’re experiencing. For example, you might be able to discern anger due to a tight sensation in your chest, or notice fear because of a jittery feeling in your hands or legs. 

Step 2: Name the feeling.

Putting your emotions into words makes them easier to manage.

How would you describe your emotional experience right now: annoyance, anger, envy, fear, disgust, disappointment, sadness, grief or something else? The more specific, the better. 

Describe the feeling out loud with a phrase like, “I am experiencing disappointment right now.”

Step 3: Accept the feeling.

Growing up, many of us were taught to suppress or hide our emotions. So as an adult, your first instinct might still be to push them away. You may think, “It’s wrong to feel that emotion.”

Research has found that suppressing our emotions can have negative consequences for both physical and mental well-being. Instead, we want to accept it. 

This emotion is offering you the opportunity to make a different, healthier choice. Use a phrase like, “I accept that I’m feeling angry right now.”

Step 4: Be with the feeling.

Once you’ve accepted the feeling, open up to it and fully experience it. The neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor found that the physiological experience of an emotion lasts for just 90 seconds. 

Commit to staying with the emotion for a minute and a half, giving it your full attention. 

Step 5: Stay with the feeling until it changes.

At a certain point, you will notice that the feeling has changed. You might now feel calmer, like a storm has passed. You also might notice another feeling emerging in its place. 

This is a sign that you allowed yourself to fully experience the emotion

Step 6: Offer yourself compassion.

Take a moment to offer kindness to yourself, to honor what you just experienced. There are many ways to do this, including:

• Putting your hand on your heart and saying, “I’m here for you.” 
• Physically soothing yourself, by giving yourself a hug or taking a few deep breaths. 
• Validating your experience with a phrase like, “I really felt sad just now.” 

Step 7: Reflect on what the feeling has to teach you.

It’s critical to remember that this emotion has a purpose. It can help you to better understand yourself, your life, and what you need the most. When we suppress our emotions, we cut ourselves off from this insight. 

Ask yourself: 

• What thought led to that feeling? 
• How did my past experiences influence that thought? 
• What does this feeling indicate about how my needs are being met?
• What lessons does that emotion have to teach me?

Step 8: Decide how you want to respond.

Now that you’ve experienced your feelings and learned from them, you’re ready to respond with wisdom and make the best choice that you can.

That will look different depending on the situation. You might need to pause, gather more information, ask for help, prioritize a specific need, or reach out to connect with someone. 

Ultimately, by using this process, you will be able to make a plan that will support your well-being, empower you to nurture your relationships and help you to achieve your goals.

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I added one step of my own too: Thank Jesus for walking with you. He will never abandon us, even when we walk away.

Jesus came to help us over come our shame and guilt and help us find healing even this pain is self-inflicted. I pray that if you are struggling, Jesus will help you find a path forward towards abundant and joyful living.

God bless you now and always,
Pr. Ben

For God’s anger lasts only a moment, but the Lord’s favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

These words reflect the thoughts of a songwriter in ancient Israel. This psalm could be almost 3000 years old. Their experience of God tells them God’s goodness and favor is not fickle or short-lived which is definitely good news!

Yet, there might be moments of anger. I want to ask in return, “Are there?” I am not so sure. Why? The cross of Jesus tells me that my sin and brokenness do not obstruct God’s love. The psalmist doesn’t have the same perspective because they lived before the time of Jesus. In other words, they may not have as complete a picture of God’s nature as we do.

However, many people interpret God’s anger through the lens of “there are consequences for my actions.” Or to put it more biblically, “A person reaps what they sow.” Galatians 6:7

It may not be God’s anger or even judgment at all. Instead it is the consequences of poor choices. You are free to choose your path, but not the ramifications of that decision.

Whoever wrote this has been through some stuff. Yet, there is some clarity in the next phrase. …weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

We have all had heartbreaking moments in our life. Some of us have cried for more than an evening because of loss and devastation. I am also certain there will be more because the world we live in is broken.

But the promise made is that once the dark clouds have passed, once the sun has risen… there will be joy in the proverbial morning. God’s joy gets the final say.

Our future is promised to be unending joy. One day we will wake up in heaven… a place of perfect and perpetual joy.

King David expressed this in a song he wrote about God…

Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place.
1Chronicles 16:27

Life is a lot like the night of weeping but joy awaits us. Don’t give up hope! We still can have joy in this life too! But greater joy is ahead!

As we light the pink candle on the Advent wreath, the candle of joy, we are encouraged to hold on because joy is our destiny!

God bless,
Pr. Ben

What do these things have in common?

Taking a trip

A home cooked meal

Taking a test

Getting married

Welcoming a newborn into your home

A new school year

Throwing a party

Christmas

This appears to be a random list without a thread connecting them, but there is an association.

All these things either take preparation or go better with planning ahead of time. One packs for a trip, buys groceries for a meal, studies for a test, makes wedding plans, decorates a nursery, buys school supplies, organizes a party and one prepares for Christmas.

Like I said, you don’t have to prepare for any of those things, but life will be better if you do!

Even Christmas. No, I don’t mean buying presents and decorating the house because you don’t want to be seen as a Scrooge.

In the Christmas hymn (now designated as an Advent hymn for some reason) “Joy to the World” you find the phrase, “Let every heart, prepare Him room”.

The season of Advent is the time to prepare our hearts for the miracle of Christmas. Maybe there is a need for some pre-Christmas clean-up for our hearts. Could there be some past resentments we need to let go of? Or quite possibly a change of heart about something in your life that is holding you back?

Advent is the time to focus on: Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love. All these things originate from God. More than that, Jesus wants to give them to you in abundance. That is more difficult when we don’t prepare ourselves to receive them and Jesus.

As King Solomon once wrote, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23

Let Jesus in now and your Christmas will be wondrous.

God bless,
Pr. Ben

I am back from Chicago where I attended my first Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) Church Council meeting.

I now am on the church council for the entire ELCA. I am honored to fill this role for the next two years.

I am happy to report that it is good that Community Lutheran Church is a part of the ELCA. We are in alignment on a lot of different issues and ideas.

During the council meeting, we discussed and acted on various items including:

• A report on the diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility audit of ELCA governing documents. This will ensure our governing documents for the ELCA are fair to all and not biased.
• A prayer vigil for peace in the Holy Land hosted by the Association of Lutherans of Arab and Middle Eastern Heritage. We also heard a report from two Lutheran pastors serving in Jerusalem on behalf of the ELCA.
• An update on the work of and a listening session on the Commission for a Renewed Lutheran Church. The ELCA is working diligently to be a more engaging church in the near future.
• An update on and discussion of churchwide organization priorities, including the Future Church: God’s Love Made Real initiative. Our churchwide office is doing the hard work to reorganize to be more effective in the coming years.
• Reports and updates from home areas and teams of the churchwide organization. We heard from every department within the ELCA.
• A report from the Conference of Bishops. All of our bishops meet regularly and we heard about their work together.
• An update on the ELCA’s Peace Not Walls Campaign that impacts the Holyland
• An update on the 50th anniversary of ELCA World Hunger in 2024. Our church has been engaged in combating hunger issues and famine for almost 50 years now!

As you can see, a lot is going on and our national church is actively engaged in the world and being responsive to the needs of others. The ELCA is keenly focused on tasks that we as a local congregation cannot do. They represent us nationally and in the world. I am proud of their work on our behalf.

God bless,
Pr. Ben